How I Stopped Judging Myself So Harshly…
And Built High Self Worth! – Part 1
I used to hate myself.
I thought I was a failure of a human being.
I felt fat.
I never had the dating life I wanted.
And there was always this dickish inner voice saying, “What’s wrong with you?”
I felt like I just wasn’t “good enough”.
So, I made a plan:
I would get six pack abs.
Then, women would finally love me, and I would finally love myself.
Dieting for self-worth
So, I read tons of diet books.
I weighed every gram of food I ate. I did intense, long workouts.
I even majored in a 4 year Exercise Science program and became a personal trainer.
But, I failed.
And here’s why:
Hating yourself is a terrible motivational “fuel.”
Sure, for a couple of days (or even weeks) it can get you off the couch, or get you meditating, or reading more.
But in the long term – it just doesn’t work.
Because every time you hit a small obstacle, your “self-worth demons” start yelling,
“SEE!! I told you you were a piece of crap!!!”
Don’t worry – there’s a better way. And you’ll learn it over the next few pages.
A Better Path
After failing OVER and OVER to feel worthy, I decided to go down the rabbit hole.
To figure out once and for all – why do I feel like I’m just not good enough?
And what can I do about it?
And my journey started.
It led me to:
- Do 18 months of therapy
- Volunteer at a meditation retreat center
- Read tons of books about self-worth
This journey was challenging, and lasted for years.
But along the way, I discovered the SECRETS to building high self worth.
Ready to learn what they are?
Key #1 – Talking To Your Inner Critic
First, there’s one KEY thing you must understand:
If you have low self worth, it’s usually because you have an incredibly overactive “Inner Critic.”
That voice of self-judgement. That harsh, punishing, brutal inner dialogue.
That critical voice inside your head that constantly says things like:
- “You’re so fricking lazy.”
- “What’s wrong with you?”
- “You’re such a piece of trash.”
- “God I hate you.”
With this constant stream of negative self talk…
It’s no wonder that we feel low self worth.
So, right here, right now, I’m going to give you an “unconventional” trick you can use to silence your inner critic –
And start building high self worth.
But before we get into how to “silence” your inner critic…
Let’s talk about where this Inner Critic comes from
Why Do We Develop Mean “Inner Critics?”
As children, some of us got love unconditionally.
Others, not so much.
So, we learned to play a certain role in order to receive love.
Maybe you had to be “the sweet girl who never complained and was always happy.”
Or, “the tough young man who never uttered a complaint.”
I personally was “the very polite son who acted like a rock” to my parents.
Now, a role requires certain behavior.
So, to help you play the “role” that would get you love, your mind developed the Inner Critic.
Need to please a “laziness is a sin” parent?
- It would say things like, “You need to stop being so lazy. WORK HARDER!”
Need to please a “never show negative emotions” parent?
- Your Inner Critic would say “Stop complaining. You’re being a crybaby.”
How To Stop Judging Yourself Harshly
Here’s a key insight secret that will help you build yourself worth.
You need to realize your inner critic actually wants the best for you.
If your inner critic is telling you to “stop being so lazy” (a phrase I used to hear a lot years back), it’s not trying to hurt you.
It just wants you to be productive.
So, what’s the answer?
An honest inner dialogue.
Talking to your inner citic like you would talk to a friend.
Saying, “Hey, friend, we’re on the same team here. When my life gets better, yours gets better. We’re on the same side.”
You set boundaries. You have real discussions.
And you create a healthier inner dialogue – which is KEY to building high self worth.
If you think this is cooky by the way, I didn’t make it up.
However, this isn’t the whole story. But there’s too much to fit in one article.
Click below to access the second article in the series.